#said what i said if anyone wants elaboration i'd be happy to

[lazy--lillies]

Y'know TOA was a very good stand-alone series but it really shouldn't have been a part of the pjo universe. It bothers the hell out of me too, bc I like TOA!!! It has a lot to say about morality and friendships and siblings and just platonic and familial love in general, something that Rick doesn't really write a ton, and when he does he actually manages to do rlly well (most of the time). But it coming directly of the heels of HOO and trying to wrap up those arcs and including those characters at all was just a huge mistake. Honestly I'd probably be ok if the HOO characters got their own separate follow up series or conclusion novel or SOMETHING to conclude or even continue their arcs (bc let's be honest, a ton of them were left unfinished) but no, no, instead their endings are shoe horned into a series that's part of a narrative that doesn't fit this world. Apollo learning to love humanity is in line with the og PJO series, sure, but it also does so much damage to so much.

Worst offense is what it does to the gods' portrayal. Like, pre-TOA I think most people just generally thought the gods were kinda shitty, but mostly neglectful and still ultimately trying their best. By the end of TOA? I had almost no empathy at all for the gods, WHICH IS BAD!!!! These were the beings Percy fought a war for in the og series, and yet Zeus is likened to an abusive father???

Anyway just had this thought while reading a TOA crit post. Rick could probably do a lot more if he kept exploring different mythologies and allowed them to exist in different universes, instead of Marvel-ing them into one big story. It doesn't work, especially when the cultures those gods come from have very different values, which bleeds into the stories. It just makes the world building look bad.

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 119 (Give Her Our Regards)

Conrad didn't leave for the city as soon as Detective Spangler's text came in. A ball of nervous energy to set eyes on the woman who'd driven him to the edge of madness and endangered his family for years, he needed to fuel some of his anger into the punching bags upstairs before he hit the Simmerloop Superhighway.

He let Heather know he was headed to the city to meet Ximena behind bars, but the good news meant she didn't care he'd be home late. "Give her our regards," she said with a smile.

This still wasn't completely over. Brindleton PD had to confirm Ximena was responsible for the murder of Jimmy Stefano and he still needed to find her brother, Rafa. But with Ximena behind bars, the police detail that had lingered in Sable Square throughout the winter could finally be redirected elsewhere.

The docks needed more patrol with Bay Security still in disarray, and with George Brindleton still enjoying the sun in Sulani.

He tried calling the old man on his way into the city, but George never liked to answer his calls. By the time he made it to San Myshuno PD it was almost lunchtime, and after a quick chat with some of his old colleagues, he headed downstairs to the prison cells.

"You said you wouldn't talk without Lieutenant Gordon present, so there he is."

With her hands cuffed behind her back, Ximena scowled. She'd never looked more pitiful, but Conrad's heart had hardened against her.

"Does this make you happy, Conrad?"

He shrugged. "Of course it does. What else do you want me to say?"

She grimaced as Detective Spangler led her into the interrogation room, but she wouldn't tell him a thing.

"I only want to talk to Conrad. I don't know you."

"Whether you know me or not, you know what happened to Jimmy Stefano."

She stared at him, stonefaced, and Conrad knew he'd have to talk to her. He stood and brushed his pant legs, heading into the interrogation room. He found Ximena threatening to walk out while Zion tried to coax her back into her chair.

"Is something wrong, Miss Bonilla?"

"I told him I'd talk to you, Conrad, not him."

"Lieutenant Gordon, I tried to tell her you're busy with the search for her brother, Rafael, but she's insisting she won't talk to anyone but you."

"What difference does it make who she talks to? The whole room's set up with cameras and microphones."

"She says she'll go back to her cell if she doesn't get to talk to you."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not even in the room," Ximena snapped.

Conrad let out an elaborate sigh. "Fine, Ximena. We'll talk. But you're answering my questions. Nothing more."

"Fine."

Detective Spangler left them alone in the room, but it felt smaller with just he and Ximena inside. "Did you kill Jimmy Stefano?"

"No."

"Do you know who did?"

"I don't know them."

"So you made the call?"

"I always make the call."

"And this time?" He needed her to say it, sitting down to make himself more comfortable. She wouldn't join him; Ximena loved looking down on just about anyone, including him.

"I can't answer that without an attorney."

"Do you have one? The cartel usually sends one."

"If you see one of their slimeball attorneys around, let me know."

Conrad looked at her, without allies but still defiant. "Do you really have no idea where your brother is?"

She frowned. "He ran away from me, Conrad. Just like you did."

"I can't pity you, Ximena. You made life hell for me and my family."

"The boy, he's not even yours."

"He's my family, Ximena. He has been since before he was three years old."

Ximena sneered. "I'm happy for you, Lieutenant. But unless you want to tell me you're letting me go, I'm done talking."

They had a lot more questions, but he knew Ximena wouldn't cooperate. Once she'd found a public defender and had been transferred to Brindleton Bay, they could keep pressing her for details of the murder at the docks.

He led Ximena back to her cell while she ranted about his betrayal. He tuned her out, grateful she was finally behind bars, as Detective Spangler joined him again by the cells.

"The chief says no one's been able to get a hold of George for two days. She's finally sending you to his villa to check on him."

"When? It's almost Love Day."

"You might need to make that one up to your wife. Almost wife. But she can get you on a flight out of San Myshuno Airport tonight."

"Just me?"

Zion offered a lighthearted shrug. "The chief's watching costs and needs me to stick to Ximena until she's transferred to the Bay. Besides, Chief knows you're George's favourite."

Texting Heather on his way to the airport, Conrad picked up a change of clothes from the gift shop before boarding a red eye to tropical Sulani.

He was on his way to talk to George Brindleton, but he hoped his task would finally put him face-to-face with Rafa Bonilla, most of all. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 2.1 Summary

Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for disapproving of my best friend's relationship? (CW for grooming)

Context: about a year ago I (17, transmasc) joined a local group for queer teenagers to hang out and do stuff together (we meet once a week at the library). The group consists of roughly 10 people and I usually get along with all of them, but my closest friend in the group is W (20, transfem). I would say she's my best friend in general, and I think she'd say the same for me. I'm still in high school and W goes to the community college here.

A few weeks ago, myself, W, and another friend from the group, J (18, cis guy) were over at my place. After a while W said she had some news for us - she'd gotten into a relationship! W used to be (and still is) very socially isolated. She didn't have any friends to speak of before joining the group, not even online, so for her to find a romantic partner was super exciting and I was honestly really proud of her. I obviously wanted to hear more about it, so I asked her to elaborate and this is where things go off the rails.

She said that her new girlfriend (let's call her L) was also trans, and that she was 27. She said they'd met in college and started spending more and more time together. She told us she'd honestly just expected to be friends, but over the winter break L officially asked her out, she was elated, and since then they'd been spending basically all their free time together. immediately alarm bells started ringing in my head - I asked her if I'd heard it right, that L is 27, and W responded yeah, and she knows it's a little strange, but she doesn't mind, so whatever.

I tried to calmly tell her that a 7 year age gap is way too much and that it's not a safe relationship to be in. She immediately got defensive, saying she's an adult and she can do what she wants, etc etc. I said I don't care if she's technically an adult, that's still fucking creepy! I asked J, who had been keeping quiet the whole time, to back me up, but all he did was give me that "I don't know, it's not my place to say anything" bullshit. I was genuinely shocked, I thought he would have supported me but he just… waffled. We had all gotten pretty heated, and at this point W had stood up and started shuffling over to the door. She started in saying I was overreacting over nothing, that they'd been together for not even two weeks, and she didn't need my permission to have this relationship. She said she thought she could trust me, she only told me because she thought I'd be happy for her, on and on, and then she walked out.

It's been a few weeks since then, and she hasn't shown up to the group at the library. I've been too scared to text her because she's clearly pissed off at me. I recognize that I wasn't very good at keeping my composure, and I definitely could have been kinder about it, but I was just scared for my friend. It would be worrying if anyone had gotten into a relationship with that much of an age gap - but she has essentially 0 social skills, and hasn't been in a relationship before, so I'm terrified that she's being taken advantage of because of her inexperience.

What are these acronyms?

[sillyhahasilly]

Can we plz have some headcanons for Cal/Andre comforting the other one after a bad day? :) 💗

caldre hurt/comfort hcs!!

such a good idea bro.

when andre has had a bad day it's usually bc smth (bullying) happened at school or he got overwhelmed with emotional anger from whatever. he becomes more snappy and erratic. he has quiet panic attacks where he doesn't cry or shake or anything and all of it happens in his head. others don't notice, but cal isn't others. andre isn't happy that cal can read him like a book bc he doesn't like being emotionally vulnerable, but there is not much he can do abt that.

to comfort andre cal:

let's him angerly rant abt wtv is bothering him. he watches andre get embrassingly mad abt it, but doesn't say anything, letting andre express his emotions w out even jokingly making fun of him because andre rarely opens up anyway.

brings up the upcoming zd and how they are going to show everyone, saying how none of the shit people do to andre means anything bc andre is sm better than them. cal knows how andre views zd as sort of childlike justice and destruction, and letting him fall back on that belief makes andre feel better.

joking around w andre abt unrelated shit to wtv is bothering him. making him smile and laugh and momentarily forget abt life is smth cal is very good at.

planning smth for them to do that he knows andre would go along w without question. he will tell him, pick me up at this time, and when he's picked up he says, let's go here. he leads them to places or things that andre will enjoy.

grounding touch when andre let's him. a hand on his shoulder or back, rubbing circles into his arm or wrist, a hug that's a little awkward.

grounding touch when they cross the line into becoming more of a romantic/sexual unlabeled relationship is different tho. cal will spoon andre and put his arms around him. play with the hair on the back of his neck. kiss his neck non sexually. (nsfw warning) distract him w consensual sexual favors, like blowing him.

when cal is upset it's usually bc of his derealization and dissociation and/or desire to die, sometimes happening for no decernable reason while other times bc smth at school triggered it. he zones out and his conversations and actions are disjointed from reality. think the last scene in the car before the shooting where cal took a while to respond to anything andre said as an example.

to comfort cal, andre:

invites him to do some mindless tasks w him, like play video games. he sometimes w drive them somewhere but tell cal he needs his help w directions from a map or smth bc that keeps cal's mind in the forefront.

I think andre would be very aware of cal's emotional state all the time, even tho it's not obv. cal doesn't think andre can tell at all. andre js doesn't know what to do to help and he gets in his head about it, not wanting to make things worse bc he silently cares sm.

he learned quick that talking abt zd can make things worse for cal when he is in those states, so he avoids it.

he invites cal to stay the night at his house so he can be away from his busy family of whom he would need to mask around.

he js let's cal talk slow and dissociate, whether it's good for him of not. cal appreciates it tho bc he feels like someone is always trying to get him to be normal, so it's nice to js be.

cal likes hugs, so andre hugs him even tho he is weird abt physical affection at times.

when things have been really bad w cal for a while, andre will buy a new video game or cd for them to share together to try and cheer him up. it sometimes works.

there ya go!! if anyone wants to to elaborate on any of this lmk I'd be happy to :]

[snoopledrooplecheesedoodle]

Day 7: Christmas Dinner: Courtney and Duncan

First Total Drama Fic and why not let this disastrous duo be the stars. They are adults in this fic because it fits better with the story. This is pretty mature so don't read before reading my trigger warnings. Also, if you are ever drunk or even a bit tipsy, you cannot consent to intimate activities. Anyone attempting to engage is sexually assaulting you, please don't romanticize this behavior.

TW: Reader's got social anxiety in this one, dysfunctional couple, taking advantage of someone under the influence, manipulating a vulnerable person, guilt tripping, force feeding, intimidation, don't do this to your dinner guests

You smile to yourself as you dress to impress for the night ahead of you. It was Christmas eve, and your next-door neighbors were inviting you to dinner. You had recently moved into the neighborhood and befriended the couple you lived next to. Courtney and Duncan were a very unlikely couple with Courtney being a polished no-nonsense lawyer and Duncan being a rebellious and laid-back tattoo artist (said he got started back in juvie).

You smile thinking about the excited squeal Courtney let out as she embraces you and the sly smirk Duncan directed your way when you accepted their invitation. It's not like you had anything else to do as you had no nearby friends or family after moving to "start fresh".

Checking in the mirror you began to feel self-conscious; you looked tired from working all day and you smelled a bit musty. You spritz a bit of perfume/cologne to mask the stench of sweat. Well, this will have to do after all these are the nicest clothes you own. Checking the time, you see its four thirty, a bit too early but maybe you could help out with the prep.

Smiling you grab the plate of store-bought brownies as you didn't know what the couple liked and didn't want to be embarrassed by your lackluster cooking. This was going to be fun!

You ring the doorbell while bouncing on your heels with anticipation. No one answers immediately causing you to get second thoughts. Maybe this was some elaborate prank, and you should go home and eat the brownies you bought. As you turn to go a certain green haired punk opens the door.

"Hey hot stuff you're early, couldn't get enough of the Dunc huh?" Duncan stands in the doorway wearing his normal choice of punk attire but with a Christmas sweater with Krampus on it. "I didn't know when to come so I thought I'd arrive early. I brought brownies!" Duncans eyes light up at the sweet treats before he puts on his cool demeanor again. "Sweet, not a big baked goods fan. Maybe Courts will like them." You giggle as Duncan hurriedly takes your plate.

Is it just you or was Duncan blushing?

It must be your imagination

Duncan guides you to the living room and you both sit on the couch a very small space between you two. It feels like Duncan moves closer each time you scoot away. There's no way that's possible, he has a girlfriend!

A girlfriend who stomps over to where the two of you are sitting. Courtney does not look happy. Did she think you were hitting on Duncan?

"Duncan what is the meaning of this?!" Oh no you are so dead! Courtney hoists you up and pulls you into a possessive hug. "Why didn't you tell me (y/n) was here?! You wanted them all to yourself!" That is not what you thought would happen. Duncan's tched as he kicked his feet up on the ottoman. "You said for me not to come into the kitchen unless the house was burning down princess. Didn't know (y/n) counted as a house fire."

Courtney wasn't satisfied with her boyfriend's snarky remark and swiftly throat chopped the man, causing the goth to gasp for air. Courtney then drags you off huffing into the kitchen.

Wonderful smells came from the kitchen as it smelled of savory turkey and sweet cinnamon and a dozen other scents. Courtney was definitely putting all her effort into the food, and it was paying off. Said woman turned to face you with a sweet smile. "So sorry you had to see that, Duncan can forget his manners around guests sometimes." You sweat as you think of a response that won't get you a throat chop.

"Do you need any help?" You ask while cringing at the way your voice cracks. Courtney is practically beaming as she grabs your hand and guides you over to a strainer filled with washed potatoes. "No holiday meal is complete without mashed potatoes. Do you mind peeling the potatoes?" You shake your head as Courtney giggles planting a kiss to your cheek. "What a wonderful little helper you are! I'll be working on the gravy, come get me if you need help."

You begin peeling slowly making sure no skin was left on each potato. You had finished only two potatoes when you hear a cough come from behind you. Duncan stares at you with an annoyed expression. "You're peeling slower than my grandma; at this rate you'll be done next Christmas." You wince as Courtney told Duncan to stay out of the kitchen and here, he was very much in the kitchen. "Won't Courtney kill you for entering her kitchen?" Duncan scoffs as he closes in on you. "This isn't just Courtney's house you know, plus you're about to cut yourself." You drop the peeler like it was on fire causing Duncan to chuckle mean spiritly.

"Here scaredy cat I'll help you peel, peelers ain't that different from a knife." You were going to thank the punk guy before you feel his chest flush against your back as his hands grab yours gently. Duncan guides your hands through the motions with helpful directions. He was a surprisingly good teacher, and you felt yourself getting a hang of it. "That's it babe you got it!" Uh you'll ignore that comment.

"Duncan do you still need to be this close?" Said man smirks as he leans in closer till his breath is on your nape. "Yeah, don't want you to hurt your pretty little hands do we?" Okay you know this isn't acceptable for a taken man to be doing. You try to break free, but Duncan's hold tightens painfully. A calloused hand tilts your head to look at him the look in his eyes terrifying. "Hey, why you trying to get away from me? I don't scare you, do I?" Sweat flushes your face as you feel yourself quiver, Duncan seems thrilled at your shy nature.

"Duncan what did I say about entering my kitchen?!" Duncan ducks as Courtney throws a kitchen knife in his direction. "See you later bunny, chef's trying to kill me." You hear Courtney's ragged breaths as she approaches you. Her pretty brown eyes filled with hurt. "Why didn't you tell me you needed help? Duncan always gets to spend time with you, why can't I spend some one-on-one time with you huh?"

You realize that this dinner may be a bit too much for you to handle and you try to come up with an excuse to leave. "I think a package is coming to my house I should-" Courtney cuts you off with a icy look. "You can sit in the living room dinner is almost done." You kick yourself internally for listening to the bossy girl.

You're such a pushover

You find yourself in the middle of the couple surrounded by a delectable feast, however you feel too sick with worry to eat any of it. Courtney coos at you while placing a bit of everything on your plate while Duncan ignores his girlfriend to busy eating his own meal. "Come on (n/n) you've got to try some of this, it's my mom's secret recipe!" Courtney holds a fork to your lips, poking the (lip color) flesh with its metal prongs.

"I'm not very-" You almost choke at the force the brunette shoves the fork into your mouth. A savory assault on your tastebuds makes you want to throw up. Courtney fusses over you wiping to spittle off your chin with a cloth napkin. "It's good isn't it (y/n)?" Courtney looks like an eager puppy waiting for a response. You swallow the food and the thick sense of dread you currently feel. A strong hand grabs your shoulder as Duncan places his head on your shoulder. "Courtney made that especially for you, don't want to disappoint princess now do you?"

Why does this have to happen to you? You just wanted to make friends and not feel so alone in the world. Now you feel suffocated under the attention you receive from the couple. "Yeah, it's very...tasty Courtney." Courtney wraps hers arms around you with squealing into your shirt. "I knew you would like it have some more!" You were force fed by both Duncan and Courtney until you felt physically ill. The odd tension in the room and your stomach make you want to run out the front door. Duncan interrupts you by setting a glass in front of you.

"Courtney's rich parents sent us a special vintage, not really a wine guy but booze is booze." The tattooed man proceeds to pour a thick dark red liquid into the delicate goblet in front of you. It looked hauntingly like blood as you stare at your rippling reflection in its scarlet surface. You actually want to get drunk to go to sleep and forget about this nightmare dinner. You take a tentative sip and feel the rich yet bitter taste fill your mouth. It was good. Really good.

You downed the glass, and Duncan poured some more which you drank with as much gusto. You drink until your whole body feels fuzzy and you're laughing at nothing. Duncan who had not drank anything stared at you with a predatory look. You laugh and wrap your arms around Duncan. "You're a very handsome guy Dunc, Courtney's lucky to have you~. Courtney's also hot though!" You cover your mouth as you hiccup, very much out of it.

"You're pretty hot yourself bunny." Duncan replies, a breath away from your lips. You close your eyes and lean in and close the gap with a kiss, threading your fingers through his choppy green locks. Duncan groans in response and pulls you closer deepening the kiss. You feel a wet muscle prod your loose lips open as a tongue invades your mouth. You sloppily make out with the man in front of you, moaning when you feel his tongue piercing against your own tongue. You pull away leaving a trail of saliva connecting your lips.

"That was fun~." You giggle rocking back and forth in your chair, your mind very blank as you feel like it's full of cotton. Duncan smirks before pulling you into his lap. "Yeah, you like that, well we're just getting started." Duncan wolf whistles while looking at the dining room entrance. You turn to see Courtney in a very short red cocktail dress that hugs her curves perfectly. The sheer fabric allowing you to peak at the lacy lingerie underneath her outfit. Her eyes are cat like as she stalks towards you both.

"Starting without me, Duncan you said we share." Courtney purred as she stood over your two the edge of her dress riding up. Duncan looks her up and down nodding approvingly. "Of course, babe, I saved you the best seat in the house." Courtney lets a sultry grin appears on her face as she hops onto your lap, straddling you.

"(Y/N)~, hope you have room for dessert, because I do." The brunette then captures your lips in a passionate kiss. You begin making out with Courtney as Duncan sucks on your neck leaving dark purple bruises on your skin. You moan as you grope Courtney who also moans.

You couldn't refuse as the two indulged in you all night long

That's a spicy meatball! I think that's some pretty intimate shit for me as I am so virgin it's ridiculous. Hope you enjoy your dessert! Lovelies

[peaceoutofthepieces]

If you're still taking Heartstopper hug prompts, I'd love to see either the desperate hug or the hug you don't deserve. Thank you!

i'm sorry this took so long!! and i kinda forgot what the prompt was and it just kinda got shoehorned in at the end. whoops. i had this idea for a long time and i ended up thinking it just kinda fit with this, so i hope you enjoy!

18. tight and desperate 28. the hug you don’t deserve

Charlie didn't even know how the argument had started. He certainly hadn't intended it, but maybe he should have predicted Nick’s reaction, should have known where the line of conversation would go. Maybe a part of him had wanted it, had been provoking Nick with subconscious purpose. 

The thing was he couldn't have expected this reaction, because Nick’s go-to wasn't to argue. Not with Charlie. They'd had their fair share, but it took Nick time to lose his patience and respond to Charlie's anger or frustration. This time it was all the more confusing because Charlie hadn't been angry. He was fairly sure his tone had been free of spite, that there was no edge, that Nick shouldn't have suspected a double meaning or hidden barb, because there wasn't any. 

Charlie had made a throwaway comment about Nick missing his local chippy when he went to uni, and Nick had set his food down with a clatter and said, “Do we have to do this again?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't want to argue about uni.”

“I wasn't trying to argue,” Charlie protested, still trying to keep his voice gentle. 

Nick visibly bit back a response. “It just usually ends up that way.”

Charlie wanted to say that wasn't his fault, but he swallowed the urge. He wasn't trying to argue; it just always seemed to be a sensitive subject. But it had already gotten as bad as it could get, when Charlie had thought for days he'd lost Nick, and they'd worked it out. They wouldn't let that happen again. Charlie, if anything, wanted to start emphasising that by making the idea feel normal. Nick would leave, and they would be apart, and Charlie was growing to accept it. But it was clear neither of them felt normal about it, still. 

Nick seemed to intentionally soften, taking a moment to lower his shoulders and smooth his expression before talking to Charlie more gently. “I'd just rather not talk about it. I just want to have a chill night with takeaway and a film.”

“That's fine,” Charlie said, but the thought kept nudging at him, and he kept going. “But I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it. I know I—I got upset and blew up at you about it before. But we worked through it. And now I'm more scared if…if we keep avoiding it, eventually you'll just want to avoid me.” Nick’s eyes flickered, and Charlie pressed on before things did stumble into argument territory. “When you're at uni you'll definitely want to talk about it then, and I don't want that to put you off talking to me. Or make you feel like you shouldn't be happy there, in case I'm upset here. I do just want you to be happy, Nick.”

It was more earnestness than Nick had been looking for or than the conversation likely invited, but it felt suddenly important to express, to have Nick know. Nick was usually the one giving Charlie these emotional reassurances. It was only fair that Charlie get to be the one throwing Nick off now and again. 

But Nick wasn't thrown off, or openly besotted with Charlie's speech. He looked away entirely. “You know I'm not happy all the time?”

Charlie blinked. His heart thudded. Of course he knew that. No one was happy all the time; he knew that better than anyone. Why was that Nick’s response now, though? Was he unhappy right now? Was he saying he wasn't always happy with Charlie? “I'd think you were crazy if you were,” Charlie decided to respond, still light and reassuring and hopefully leaving room for Nick to elaborate. 

“I wasn't happy when we were apart before.”

Nick looked at him again, and Charlie's stomach twisted. They hadn't had this conversation in a while. It was always there—it would never go away—but it wasn't persistent anymore. Charlie knew it linked into uni talk. He'd been waiting for it to come up, truthfully. 

That didn't make him any happier about it.

“This won't be anything like that, though,” Charlie said softly. 

“Won't it? I'll still only get to talk to you on the phone, unless I travel hours to see you, and neither of us can know how often we'll get to do that.”

Well. Charlie supposed he couldn't argue with that. “But it'll be different. We'll both be kept busy and you won't be stuck home, worrying about me. You'll be able to actually have fun.” Charlie would be doing his A-levels, and without Nick and Tori, and decidedly not having fun, but he would manage. He had his friends, and he had Geoff, and despite how much he'd rather not have so much of his parents, sometimes, they wouldn't let him die, so there was that. 

It wouldn't do them any good to mention that now. Nick was already clearly struggling with something, and the last thing Charlie wanted was to add to it. There was no need to make Nick feel guilty. Again. 

“I always worry about you,” Nick said quietly. Charlie's face dropped, and Nick shook his head. “Not because I think you can't manage or because I don't trust you or anything. It's not just because you've been ill. It's like…like how I worry about Mum.”

That piqued Charlie's curiosity, immediately distracting him from the initial zip of anger. He reached over and took Nick’s hand. “Can you explain that a bit more?”

Nick glanced at the coffee table, where their takeout lay abandoned. “The food’s gonna be cold,” he mumbled. “Sorry, I shouldn't have started this while we were eating.”

Charlie was not about to remind Nick that a moment ago, he'd been mad at Charlie for ‘starting it’. Nick already looked so downhearted; there was no need to start an entirely different argument. Which was why Charlie didn't rebuke him for using the s-word, either. The best tactic at this point was to accept the diversion. “It should still be fine. How about we finish it and then we can go up to your room?”

Nick smiled, grateful for the easy shift. Charlie pretended not to notice Nick sneaking glances at him as they ate. He managed to mechanically make his way through his meal while distracting himself thinking over what Nick said. It almost sounded like Nick was saying he didn't think he'd be happy, going to uni. But that couldn't be right. He'd been nothing but excited since deciding he wanted to go to Leeds. He'd been a bit quiet lately, but not so out of character that Charlie had been concerned. Maybe he should have been paying more attention. 

Nick finished eating before him, but stayed sitting quietly, sipping at his drink. When Charlie set his own empty dish down and rose, offering Nick his hand, Nick smiled adoringly up at him. He took Charlie's hand and stood, only to immediately bundle Charlie in a hug. 

Charlie huffed, half-amused and half-concerned, and tucked his arms around Nick's waist. “What's this for?” he asked quietly. 

“Can't I just hug you?” Nick mumbled into his hair. 

Charlie simply squeezed him in response. 

After a moment, Nick continued. “I just—I really love you.”

Charlie pulled back to look at him. His concern was getting a little louder, but Nick didn't look upset. His gaze was full of its usual warmth. Charlie squeezed his sides again. “I love you too.” He leaned in to peck Nick's lips, and was granted another smile. “Let's clean this up and go cuddle.”

Nick obliged with enthusiasm. By the time they were lying in Nick’s room, Nick seemed to have shook off whatever he'd been feeling. He lay contently on Charlie's chest, and Charlie was loath to break it. 

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been missing something, and now that it had creeped into the light, he couldn't ignore it. Not if Nick was unhappy because of it. 

“What did you mean before?” Charlie asked, because that seemed like the easiest way to bring it back up. 

“Hm?” Nick sounded sleepy. Charlie stopped playing with his hair and instead let his hand lay there, cupping Nick’s head. 

“When you said that you worry about me like you worry about your mum.”

There was a small pause. Charlie wasn't sure if it was because Nick was sleepy or because he was delaying responding. “Oh. Sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense.”

“Can you make it make sense? Give an example, maybe?”

Nick adjusted, curling more onto his front—and more onto Charlie—and tightening his hold around Charlie's waist before easing it again. “I dunno. It's like, how you worry about anyone you love. And it just…feels like it would be worse, further away. I know me being here wouldn't stop it, but I just hate the thought of someone I love struggling or getting sick or anything when I'm not there. It's not that I don't think you can manage without me—it's not really anything to do with you to begin with. Anything can just happen. Something could happen to Nellie or Henry, or Mum could get sick, or there could be an accident and any one of you could—”

“Nick,” Charlie cut him off. “Hey.”

He cupped Nick's cheek, urging him to look up. When Nick only pressed his face closer to Charlie's neck, Charlie shifted back and slid his body down until they were lying face to face, keeping Nick held in his hands. 

Nick's eyes were vaguely misty. He blinked a few times quickly while looking at Charlie, then he focused somewhere around Charlie's chin. “Sorry. I told you it doesn't make any sense.”

Charlie shook his head. “No. Like you said, I think everyone does worry about that sort of thing.” Charlie was fairly chronically anxious, so he would know. But when those thoughts came to him, they were some of the more fleeting. Charlie was able to brush them off as irrational much more easily than the thoughts about how awful he himself was, etcetera. This didn't seem like it would be helpful to share; it sounded like more than a fleeting thought to Nick. “Do you think about that a lot, though?”

Nick shrugged as best he could while lying down. 

“Is that why you've been down lately? You're thinking about…being worried a lot when you're away?” Charlie understood that, to an extent. Surprisingly, it wasn't one of the things he felt the need to have in his control, because he knew it was impossible. Like Nick said, his presence or his will wouldn't do anything to change or stop an accident or illness. Charlie had always been aware of that, and that made the lack of control easier to accept.

But he knew how terrifying that lack could feel. 

But Nick said, “No. I mean, it doesn't help. It's crossed my mind a lot. But I haven't been—I'm not obsessing over it, or anything.”

Charlie's lips pursed. He couldn't help it. 

“Not—” Nick’s eyes widened. “God, I didn't mean—fuck, I'm making a right mess of this.” He covered his face with a hand, tilting his chin down. 

“It's fine,” Charlie said softly. “I know you didn't mean anything by it.” Gently, he curled his hand around Nick’s and brought it down, laying their interlocked fingers in the small gap between them. Nick gave him a little smile, hesitant and apologetic. Charlie smiled back, equally unsure. “But if it's not this…is there something else?”

Nick's eyes flickered away again. He twitched his shoulders in a semblance of a shrug. 

Charlie slid closer to him, letting Nick's weight pull him in, the dip in the mattress widening to hold them both together. Charlie slotted a knee between Nick’s and pushed a hand back into Nick's hair. He scratched at Nick's scalp and tipped their heads together, until his forehead rested on Nick’s and Nick’s breath brushed his lips. 

It took one beat, two, for Nick to settle under the embrace. His body relaxed even as his hand curled in Charlie's hoodie and his eyes closed. Charlie stayed silent. Pushing Nick wouldn't do any good, but Charlie could always offer this. Nick bloomed under affection; nothing seemed to make him more comfortable than Charlie's touch, so Charlie offered it as frequently and freely as he could. Maybe it wouldn't make Nick talk to him—he didn't want to make Nick talk to him—but hopefully it would remind him that he could, because Charlie was here and he loved him and he wasn't going anywhere, regardless of how much distance might separate them. Hopefully it would make him feel safe enough to try. 

Eventually, Nick spoke in a whisper. “It's not about your illness. But I have been thinking a lot about what it was like, when you were in the clinic.”

Charlie squashed down his unease. “What about it?”

“It just…of course it sucked because I was worried about you and our contact was so limited, but it—it mostly sucked being by myself.”

It was hard to read Nick's expression, even when Charlie pulled back an inch to look. Charlie frowned. “What do you mean?”

Nick's eyes fluttered open, but he kept his gaze down to where he was fiddling with the string on Charlie's (Nick’s) hoodie. “It was the first time I'd really been without you since we met, and I'd forgotten what it was like.” He looked up at Charlie. “You know the first time Mum met you, she said I was more myself around you?”

Charlie hadn't known that. He couldn't say it surprised him, exactly—he'd known from the start that Nick was different around him—but it was nice to think Sarah had not only noticed, but approved so early on. Charlie just shook his head in response to Nick. 

“I couldn't figure out what she meant,” Nick said, and it sounded like an admission. “Not because I didn't think I was different around you—I knew you were different—but because I didn't know how she could tell it was more me. I didn't even know what that was.”

This wasn't what Charlie had expected. The thought that Nick would be worried over something like this would never have even crossed Charlie's mind. He knew Nick struggled in the early stages of their relationship—who didn’t, when discovering their sexuality—but aside from that, Nick had always seemed so thoroughly Nick. He was gentle and open and silly and sporty and strong in his beliefs, even when he doubted himself. He'd said it with such confidence before. I like who I am. I like my life.

Charlie played a factor in that, surely, but his distance wouldn't make that much of a difference. Would it? 

“I do,” Charlie said softly. “I know. You're wonderful, Nick.”

“I wasn't, though, was I?” Nick cut in before Charlie could give the rest of what he'd planned to say. “Before I met you, I…it was like I was just being pulled along. I was just existing. I wasn't this great, lovely person you make me out to be.”

Charlie had no idea what to think of that, never mind how to respond. All that left his mouth was a sad, wobbly, “Nick.”

He hadn't known Nick thought of himself that way. He'd known, especially at the beginning, that Nick was harder on himself than he ought to be, and it wasn't just about struggling to come out. Even since before they'd gotten together, he seemed to harbour guilt. From what Charlie could remember, Nick hadn't even been a present witness to his mistreatment—and Charlie would remember Nick, he was sure. But Nick had heard the gossip and the insults and, in his opinion, hadn't done enough to counteract it.

In Charlie's opinion, no one had, and that had never been Nick's fault or responsibility. But he understood where Nick was coming from. 

That didn't change how Charlie saw him, though. It didn't change how Nick was. 

“I know what you mean,” Charlie eventually continued, when Nick did nothing but breathe heavily and blink sadly at him. “But listen to what you're saying. You weren't bad then, and that wasn't you. Even your mum could see that.” Charlie poked Nick's chest. “But you've had me for over two years now, and you've done nothing but prove how great and lovely you are. You can't fake that, and it won't disappear when we're apart. I know who you are, Nick, and you're my favourite person.”

Nick's eyes grew misty, and he burrowed into Charlie's chest before he could start to cry. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders and head and cradled him close, pressing a kiss to his crown and stroking the hair at his nape. 

“I didn't let you see how bad it was, though,” Nick whispered, his voice choppy and wet. “Char, it made me miserable. It felt like—like I was sleepwalking, and I couldn't do anything and nothing could reach me when you weren't there. And I know, I know, I was only that miserable because I was so worried but Char, you don't understand. You went there and you made things better for yourself and you've grown so, so much in the past year and a half and I just—I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can do that on my own.”

Charlie absorbed that, then again pulled back and urged Nick to look up at him, holding Nick’s face in his hands. “I think that's exactly why you need to do it,” he said softly. 

Nick sniffed, hard, but didn't protest. 

“And you won't be on your own,” Charlie continued. “We might not be ten minutes from each other, but that doesn't mean I won't be there for you. I'd never leave you on your own, Nick. Neither will Tara and Darcy, or any of our other friends.”

“You can't be sure of that, though.”

“I know I can't promise you things won't change. But I'm not going anywhere,” Charlie enunciated each word, leaning closer until they were nose to nose. “You at least have to believe that.”

Nick's eyes flit back and forth between Charlie's. He seemed to be battling with what he wanted to say. Eventually he came out with, “I don't want to become someone you don't like.”

Charlie's heart twisted, but alongside it was a twinge of relief. They were getting to the root of the problem, and it was much more manageable than Charlie had thought. Charlie had enough experience with this kind of self doubt to know it could be worked through, especially with the right support, and Charlie would do everything in his power to provide that. 

“I'm fairly sure that's impossible,” Charlie said. “But do you want to tell me how you think that could happen?”

Nick closed his eyes again, and his shoulders shifted in another weak shrug. “I don't know. Look at what's happening right now. It's selfish, I don't deserve you comforting me when I'm the one who's leaving and you should—”

Charlie cut him off by enveloping him in another hug with a loud shush. It felt like they'd been hugging for an hour by now, and still every time Nick wrapped around him it seemed tighter, more desperate. Charlie didn't know if he was failing that miserably at easing Nick's concerns or if this was Nick's natural need for touch. 

“You're allowed to ask for help, Nick.” Charlie spoke into Nick's hair. “I never want you to pretend you're not upset because you think I might be. Okay? Please.”

Nick murmured something like an apology, and Charlie shushed him again. “I don't want how we are to change,” Nick mumbled. “If the few times we get to see each other it starts to just feel awkward or sad and it'll be just like when Dad—”

Nick cut himself off abruptly, but Charlie had heard it. And here, he realised, was the root. He mentally kicked himself. He should have seen that connection a mile away.

They didn't talk about it often. Nick had ranted to Charlie about his dad a few times, after they'd met up in Paris and their debacle of a dinner and when he failed to show up for holidays as promised, though Nick always said it was expected. Charlie knew his feelings about his father were complicated, and that anger and disappointment held a lot of that space, but he'd always thought it best to let Nick bring it up on his own terms. Unless he was mentioned, Charlie avoided asking, and perhaps that had been a mistake. 

He hugged Nick tighter, more desperately, to give himself time to work out what to say. 

He settled on an apology. “I'm sorry, Nick. I should have known what this was about.”

Nick's reply came slow, and his voice was thick. “I don't even think I knew.” He took a heaving breath. “God, that's pathetic.”

“No,” Charlie argued immediately. “It's not. You're not. It makes perfect sense, Nick.”

Nick gave a wobbly laugh. “D'you think you can explain it to me then?”

Charlie thought he probably could if he tried, but he wasn't sure it was his place. For a while he just held Nick in silence, letting them both think it over. Periodically, he pressed a kiss to whatever part of Nick he could reach, or rubbed up and down his back, or scratched gently at his head. Anything to remind Nick he was there and he understood and he loved him. 

Eventually, Charlie got the nerve to ask, “Do you think you have, like, separation anxiety?”

Nick took a moment, Charlie hoped to consider this and not because he was upset. “Like what some kids have when they start school and stuff?”

“Yeah. But I don't think it's just kids,” Charlie added quickly. “There was this girl at the clinic with me. The main thing she struggled with was being apart from her parents at the start. It wasn't why she was there, but it was part of it. She told me she even had a few panic attacks about it. She lost one of her grandparents, when she was really young. Then she had this intense fear of her parents dying every time they were away from her. It never completely left her. She just got better at managing it.”

Nick was quiet for so long Charlie thought he'd gone too far and Nick wasn't going to respond anymore. When he did, it was a small, quiet, “Oh.”

Charlie steeled himself. “So it makes sense. If…your dad leaving and things changing so much between you. If that was something that really affected you, it makes sense you'd worry about other people you love leaving.”

“It isn't…you don't think that's silly, or childish?”

Charlie shook his head adamantly, despite the fact Nick was still pressed against him and wouldn't see the gesture. Charlie knew he would feel it, but he still said, “No, Nick. It's not silly at all. And like you said, everyone worries about the people they love. People only think this is childish because children haven't learned how to hide it, so it's more obvious in them.”

Nick absorbed this. Charlie hated not being able to see his face, but he didn't want to push things. He wanted to provide Nick with comfort in the form Nick was comfortable with. It helped that he could hear and feel Nick's breaths, and could tell that they'd steadied. It wasn't a simple thing to take in, but it had seemed to almost settle Nick, more than panic him. 

“Honestly,” Nick murmured, “I think me having some kind of anxiety does make sense. And this…fits.”

Charlie squeezed Nick tight and ignored the ache that caused in him. “You don't have to figure it out or understand it right now. I could be completely wrong. But whatever it is, we can look into it together. If you want?”

Nick smushed his face to Charlie's neck. “I really love you.”

Charlie smiled. “I really love you too.”

Nick was the one to pull back this time. His eyes were a little red, and there was a dry tear-track down one cheek, but the mist over his expression had cleared. If not happy, he seemed more at ease now. “I think it would help,” he said. “To look into something. Maybe if I understand better it won't…I can stop it from bothering me so much.”

Charlie tried to tamp down his pride, but he was sure it shone through. “I think so.” He nudged Nick's nose with his own, uncaring it was cold and damp. “Whatever you need, I'll be here.”

Nick looked at him for a long moment, less in doubt, Charlie thought, and more just to look. To remind himself this was real and true, at least for now. Slowly, he smiled. 

“Yeah,” Nick said. “I know.”

[grimwalkings]

I was given a writing prompt on my strawpage for "tanjiro calling giyuu onii-san unintentionally but giyuu liking it anyway" so here it is! I'm always taking writing prompts over there, it's a good exercise for me 🥰🌊🔥

Once Tanjirou was fully recovered from the battle with Kibutsuji Muzan, he went home with Nezuko. It was expected, and Giyuu knew how happy they were to finally be able to go back, but he couldn't say that he didn't miss seeing them around the water estate.

There were promises made by Giyuu and Kyojurou that they would visit them in the mountains one day. He just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon.

“I'd like to go and see them!” Kyojurou exclaimed, one morning over breakfast. “And besides, you have been moping ever since they left.”

“I'm not moping,” Giyuu pouted back.

They decided to head off before the maple leaves stopped falling. The mountains were covered in a heavy blanket of snow for half the year, making it far too difficult for them to hike. Kyojurou’s lung capacity had never recovered from his fight with Akaza and Giyuu was still very much on the mend from the battle with Muzan.

Halfway up the mountain, the smell of an open fire somewhere in the distance filled the air. It carried them the rest of the way until they finally found the cosy and welcoming sight of the Kamado cabin.

When Tanjirou and Nezuko saw them, they immediately ran into their arms. “We didn’t know you were going to visit us so soon! Why didn’t you write to us?”

Kyojurou beamed as he embraced Nezuko. “We wanted to surprise you!”

And Tanjirou’s friends were equally surprised to see them. While Inosuke tried to challenge Kyojurou to a fight, Zenitsu followed close behind and scolded the boar-headed boy every chance he got.

But Nezuko was content to watch them from the engawa while Giyuu helped prepare dinner. He followed Tanjirou’s instructions and washed the vegetables from the garden before adding them to the pot, falling into a familiar rhythm from their days at the water estate before the siblings left.

They had both lost the use of an arm in the battle, but insisted on finding ways to work around it together. Although it was never said out loud, they both enjoyed cooking for their loved ones too much to give up on it.

“If we cover that and let it simmer for a bit, it should be ready soon!” Tanjirou explained. “Onii-chan, could you pass the -”

He froze and clapped a hand over his own mouth, his eyes widening at his mistake. But Giyuu reached for the spice rack he was gesturing to and tilted his head. “What do you need? The shichimi?”

Without a word and while avoiding his gaze, Tanjirou nodded and accepted the jar of chilli spices. They went on with their preparations in silence, although Giyuu kept stealing glances towards him.

He hadn’t called him that before. Maybe being back in his childhood home had caused the slip of the tongue? But Tanjirou was the eldest child of the family. He never had anyone to call an older brother.

But Giyuu found that he didn’t mind being called that. He let the term settle in his chest as they made dinner to the sounds of Kyojurou and the others laughing in the garden and discovered how much he wanted to hear it again. He never thought he would have a family. None of them did.

“You can call me that, if you want to,” Giyuu eventually told him.

Tanjirou blinked up at him. “Oh! That… That was my mistake, Giyuu-san, I’m sorry -”

“No, I mean… I don’t mind if you call me that,” he elaborated. “If you want to.”

Tanjirou looked up at him for a long moment. Long enough that Giyuu began to wonder if he should change the subject or take back his statement, before he suddenly broke into a warm smile and replied, “If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’d really like that!”

Giyuu smiled back, just as Kyojurou stepped inside and hummed with appreciation at the sight of dinner on the stove. “Something smells good in here! Is there anything I can do to help?”

“That’s alright, Kyojurou-san, we’re almost done!” Tanjirou replied. “Onii-chan has been a big help.”

Kyojurou looked at him with surprise, before he glanced over at Giyuu. But he merely shrugged and wrapped his arm around his waist. “Go sit down. We’ll let you know when it’s ready.”

Kyojurou gave him a tender smile and leaned in for a kiss. “Alright. I’ll see you soon.”

[hauntingofhouses]

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended up being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

thus, when i refer to mizu as nonbinary, i am interpreting mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that when i say nonbinary, it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

okay before i go deeper i'd just like to address some important things. first of all, this post is an analysis of canon, and thus everything i am arguing for is about my own interpretation of the show, and not some baseless projected headcanon i am projecting onto the character. please remember there is a difference between an interpretation (subjective; interpretations will differ from viewer to viewer, but ultimately it is firmly rooted in evidence taken from the source material) VS a headcanon (unrelated and often even contrary to what is presented in canon; opinions wildly differ and they cannot be argued for because there is no canonical evidence to back it up).

ALSO please note that nonbinary is an umbrella term. this means that it applies to a vast range of gender identities. other identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include agender, bigender, genderfluid, and so on. however, it's my personal preference to use the term nonbinary as it is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels (more power to you if you do like them and find they suit you more though!).

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no singular way to identify as anything, as everyone's views on gender, especially their own, is specific and personal to the individual.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading of the text. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or not always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is a very inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised racial identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. thus it is important to note that these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns for her, but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier to use in fanfic (singular they is confusing to write stories with, but again, that's just my feelings on it, and this is coming from someone who uses they/they pronouns). i also lean towards she/her because it's what the creators and all the official promotional copywriting of the show uses. and even though i am a "death to the author" enjoyer, i feel that when interpreting things that are left open-ended, it does help to look at the creators' take on things. also because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does, constantly.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my argument.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

[the-gateway-to-madness]

First fic tag game! Thanks for the tag @smokefurball :3

Pick a fandom and post an excerpt of the first thing you ever wrote in that fandom. Could be a scene, part of a scene, a couple of lines, whatever your first foray into writing for that fandom was. Feel free to include a link to the story it comes from if it’s been published (excerpts from WIPs count too).

Gaylen. Can I even FIND... oh mAN. Uhhhh let's see if I can find the oldest Tales of Arcadia piece I still have saved.

Oh it's old. Okay. But also the only time I've ever really written a dark timeline corruption arc vibe for Cara! ... please keep in mind i have had years of practice since this

You need to be more careful about how you treat other people. If you never see anyone else, you'll never see that some people have gifts in their hands they're happy to give… and that others already have their weapons out in plain sight.

Old advice, advice offered months ago, and yet Krel found himself reassessing it as the guards around him forced him to his knees.

Some sort of time-travel nonsense had ensued, and he was somehow back on Akiridion- the Akiridion of the future, it seemed. Sitting before him on what had been his mother and sister's throne, looking down at him disdainfully… was Cara.

A much older Cara, that is. This Cara had an elaborate headdress with sharp shapes and dark colors designed to intimidate, dramatic and shadowy-seeming makeup that made her nearly unrecognizable, and extravagant black capes and draperies to display her wealth.

She looked him over. "So it's really you," she said, sounding disgusted. "You were so small. I'd forgotten."

"What… what happened?" Krel managed, trying to figure out how the timeline had twisted this way.

"You did," Cara narrowed her eyes. "Your arrogance, your selfishness, your blindness. You threw everyone aside for your own empty self-aggrandizing. You threw me aside when you tired of me pointing out your flaws. You threw Aja aside when she pointed out that wasn't a good idea." 

Cara raised an eyebrow. "Mistakes that cost your older self his life."

Krel gaped silently. She'd had him killed???

"Put him in the cells. With any luck it'll break Aja's mind even further," Cara ordered the guards.

Krel flinched a little as the soldiers grabbed him. Aja was falling apart too, and that was probably his fault as well.

"You wanted so badly to influence other people, little prince," Cara reflected, tone mocking, as the guards dragged him out a side door. "To leave your mark on everyone. Did you get your wish, Tarron? Everyone remembers you. Was it worth it? Are you proud?"

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 42

First / Previous / Next

Before anyone could say anything else, there was a blinding flash of white light. The Dreadnought appeared directly in front of them, impeding their progress. Stormy fired the thrusters and tried to duck underneath.

"Get back into your seats! I'm going to link away again." Northern and Zhe dove towards their seats and bucked back up, but before Stormy could link, there was a clatter and a shudder throughout the ship. New alarms sounded throughout the ship, a kind of wailing trilling noise. It was incredibly loud.

"What's that Stormy?" Zhe clapped her hands over her large ears. "Can you turn it down any?"

"It's... It's a grapple. We've been grappled!" Stormy's rage permeated her voice. "Those were banned centuries ago! I can't believe they used a grapple on us."

"Can we do anything?" Fen asked. She looked down at her screen. There were new spots of orange on the readout where the grapple was damaging the hull.

"Our options at this point are to allow us to be taken aboard, or blow the reactor." Northern shook her head. "They've got us."

"Stormy, might as well disconnect and come up here. I don't want them doing anything to you." Fen closed her pad with a snap. She looked at Zhe and Northern. "Sorry."

Zhe shook her head. "Nothing to be sorry about, Fen. We're in this together."

Northern nodded. "Despite myself, I do find that I like you two. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. It's not your fault Fen."

Fen sighed. "Yeah, but if I wasn't a clone of the first Empress..."

"There's no way these people know that Fen. They're just after their current Empress and probably think we know something about it. I'd say just answer their questions mostly honestly." Northern ticked off points on her long fingers. "We saw her on Picaresque, we went out drinking, we partied with her and her honor guard, and in the morning we left. None off that is a lie."

Stormy walked into the Command Deck and looked around. Finding a seat, she sat down and buckled in. "The four of us is enough to operate a frigate of this size without raising too much suspicion. They shouldn't ask about whether we have an AI pilot."

Zhe's ears flicked in surprise. "Really? Only four people?"

She nodded. "It's just about the bare minimum, but it's possible. It could be explained away that we're a new merc group and haven't taken on more crew yet. These kind of ships are meant to be run lean and mean anyway."

Fen wasn't so sure, but she couldn't do anything else.

They waited.

About 30 minutes later, there was a pounding on the airlock. Fen unbuckled and went to the lock. Peering through the window she saw three armored spacesuits. She toggled the intercom. "Yes?"

"Human Imperial Navy. Open up please. We have some questions for you."

Please? That was interesting. "Why did you grapple me? You could have used your radio."

"The Admiral wishes to speak to you in person."

They did not elaborate further.

The voice of the suited person sighed. "Look. If you just open the doors, it'll go better for you. We won't even restrain you. You just open up, we bring you to the Admiral and then we let you go once she's happy with the answers."

"And if I don't open the lock?"

"Then we force it open, capture you, restrain you-" They hold up some metal zip cuffs. "-and still bring you to the Admiral. Only now, your ship is damaged and you can't leave once she's finished speaking. Your choice."

Fen cut the intercom. "Fuck." she said to nobody, and pressed the purge button. Both airlock door snapped open and there was a puff of air as the pressures equalized. Fen's ears were pained for a moment, but she swallowed and her ears popped.

The guard lifted their helmet. It was two men and a woman who looked so similar they could have been related. The woman smiled. "Thank you, really. My name is Lieutenant Shelly Cooper. What's yours?"

"I'm Captain Fenchurch Whitehorse, but please call me Fen."

"Very well, Fen. Who else is aboard?"

"The rest of my crew. They're on the Command Deck. There are four of us."

That caused Lieutenant Cooper to raise an eyebrow, "Four? That's it?"

Fen smiled awkwardly. "I wasn't able to hire anymore crew than that. Believe me when I say I've been trying." It wasn't a lie, not really. Fen found that there weren't many people who were willing to sign on to an unproven merc company, even if they were a couple years old.

The Lieutenant turned to one of the men behind her. "What did the bioscan say?"

He looked down at a pad strapped to the arm of his suit and tapped at it with a gloved hand. "She's not lying. Ship is empty except for the command deck."

"Curious." Cooper stared hard at Fen. "Have we met? Are you from Sol? You seem familiar to me."

"I don't see how. I grew up in a Gren station, far outside of Colonial space." Again, it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. Of course people in the military would know what the first Empress looked like.

"Hmm. Okay. If your crew agrees to keep the reactor powered down and be powered by an umbilical, they can stay confined to the ship and you accompany us. Deal?"

"Yes, I agree to those terms. Let me go tell my crew."

Lieutenant Cooper nods. "You have three minutes."

Fen hurries back to the command deck. "The Admiral wants to talk to me. They said you can stay here so long as you agree to be powered only by their umbilical."

Zhe stood up and crossed her arms, her tail swishing irritatedly. "It won't matter, because we're coming too."

Northern looked to Zhe and sighed, but only a little. "We can't leave you out to dry, Fen. We'll come along too. How bad can it be? Plus, if we come with you we can't suffer "an unfortunate accident" in the hangar."

Fen exhaled. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath in. "Thanks Northern, Zhe." She turned to Stormy. "You're welcome to come along, but I also know this isn't your thing. We had just hired you after all."

Stormy looked at Northern who shrugged with her eyes. "Up to you."

She runs her hands over her face. "Fuck, me. I swear Northern, you know how to pick them." Stormy stands up and smiles. "I'll come along, what the hell. Sitting on the ship was going to be boring by myself anyway."

The four of them went to the airlock, and Fen went up to Lieutenant Cooper "I spoke to my crew, and they want to accompany me."

Lieutenant Cooper throws up her hands. "Fine, I guess we'll just give you the VIP tour on the way." She gestures out towards the hangar. "Here is the hangar, where we store our smaller ships and boats, as well as the frigate of a merc captain we captured that the admiral wants to speak to and offered to let her crew stay onboard but they want to follow their captain to the ends of the galaxy."

Fen crossed her arms, but said nothing.

"Come on then. We'll find you some more chairs or something." Lieutenant Cooper turned on her heel and walked out of the hangar, without waiting for them to follow. The two guards with her looked at each other and one of them gestured for them to follow.

Not too far from the hangar, Lieutenant Cooper came upon a small conference room. She opened the door and led them inside. As they sat, a steward came by with a small cart of drinks. Fen was offered and accepted a coffee, and they went around offering beverages. Lieutenant Cooper also took a coffee, but everyone else abstained.

Cooper took a sip and looked down at the comm on her wrist. "The Admiral will be here shortly. Please be respectful. She's... lived a long life and doesn't suffer fools. If you want to make it back to your ship, answer her questions quickly and honestly."

Fen wasn't halfway through her coffee with the door chimed. Lieutenant Cooper stood. "This is where I leave you. The guards will wait outside the door and - should you be able - will escort you back to your ship." Her face was odd. She looked worried, and also like she felt bad for them. Just what kind of person was this Admiral?"

The door whooshed open and the Admiral strode in. She was about the same height as Cooper, maybe a few centimeters taller than Fen. Her hair was blond streaked with grey and she wore it clipped very short on the back and sides and a little longer in the front. She wore her hat at an angle that probably was against regulations. Her uniform was immaculate and her chest bulged with medals. She had a hard, but not unattractive face, lined with time. As she entered, she looked down at everyone sitting, and as she passed over them she stopped at Fen, and her breath caught.

"You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

Cooper saluted sharply. "Yes, Admiral."

"Dismiss the guards as well. I will not need them."

"Admiral? With all due respect-"

The Admiral turned to face Cooper and stared at her. Without saying anything at all, Fen could feel her shouting at the Lieutenant. Her gaze was withering. Cooper swallowed and saluted again. "Yes, Admiral."

The door closed behind her and the Admiral's demeanor immediately changed. She shrank down a little, looked older, less hard. She strode around the room and glanced down at the carafe of coffee. She poured herself a cup and sat at the head of the table. While everyone watched, rapt. She took a sip and placed it down on the table without a clink. She looked at Fen.

"You look like her, you know? I can see that you're different. A product of your upbringing. It's your eyes, and the way you carry yourself. I can see so much of her though. It's a little spooky."

Fen blinked. Whatever she expected, it wasn't this. "You know I'm a clone of the first Empress?"

The admiral laughed. Her voice was surprisingly musical. "Fen, I knew Melody. I was friends with her. I... I was on a different ship when she was killed. I became Empress after her."

Stormy gasped. "No. No way. She retired to Venus, and let her daughter reign. She would be over five hundred years old. You're not her."

The admiral smirked. "If you know all that, then you know that the Nanites can extend life. I can't do the Voice anymore, and it's been more than two centuries since I carried a crown and wings, but I am still me.

Northern turned and stared at Stormy. "Who is it, Stormy?"

The admiral spread her hands wide. "I am Empress Helen Raaden, First of Her Name, Ruler of Sol - Retired."

[orangepeelshortbreadcookies]

Hello!!! sorry i jum in here but i saw many post of your as a polin pen hater. You can hate what you want of course but its necessary to lie just to hate a character because of her body??? it wasnt that bad, she was not mean.

yes, what she did telling the ton marinas secret was not the best choise but it was what she thought it was the only way. Do you all wish for colin a marriage with not love?? and in a more practical way this is fiction and we all now he was going t end with pen , they are end game and thi is romance, its suppouse to be romantic that theu found each other, and for me it is. She didnt told marina secret because she wants colin for herself , she never thought she cold have him. maybe yo dont understand this but we, fat girls who are foung unattractive NEVER expect love or having a man, even less somone like colin. I think you, as many sadly, jugdge Pen actions too strong and deep down its all becuase of how she looks. Depp down i know you judge her action strongly becuase you can't accept that a woman who looks like that get something. I know you will keep hating, just want to say my opinion

(2) I saw you ask once why we ( pen fans) are mad when people hate her like you do if we got everything, saying like she happy and get married and LW. i will answer that from my perspective. Im fat, people is mean and that herats and yes, maybe it not a good things but it nice to have a revenge for all that suffering , but beside that i feel represented FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME in a romance show, ALL THE ROMANCE FEMALE LEADS AND THIN WOMAN and for the first times she looks like me but everyone is hating her becuase of how she looks and the worst is anyone accept its becuase of that, you all write long essays jugdging her actions but as i said, Were her actions that bad???? think about it fr......

Others please also refer to this post for more context.

I did not intend to answer this ask, because honestly, I'm really very lazy. Since there are only so many ways I can make my argument against the same accusation over and over again, especially to someone who clearly doesn't want to listen, I figured ignoring was the right decision. I'd rather spend my creative energy and efforts on my own writings, instead of figuring out another elaborate wording on how being critical of a character's actions does not equate fatphobia, and that personal adversity does not equal a 'get out of jail' free card for repeatedly inflicting pain on other people on a mass scale. I've talked about it in depth in my own blog, as well as reblogging other eloquent, well thought-out posts from others, Polin fans and anti-Polin fans alike. You can just scroll through my blog to see that. But I don't think you have come after me, time and again, to be convinced.

Even now, I still think ignoring you would have been the smarter, or at least, easier course of action for me. But I digress. Maybe it's one of those days where I feel more confrontational, maybe my ADHD is acting up and my meds are not hitting as well today, maybe after weeks of stress-filled personal achievements I'm feeling talkative seeing someone trying to disturb my peace. Nontheless, since you've made diligent efforts in seeking out my response, today's your lucky day, once and for all.

Something my mutuals and followers might have learned about me, is that I, being pretty fucking lazy, don't post/write a lot. To remedy this, when I do post, oftentimes I try to be as thorough as I possibly can. So, in the spirit of being thorough, here's a little log of the things I have received in the past weeks, on this site as well as on AO3, some of which, @cherryblossom970sblog, I have reasons to believe came from you

So you feel represented by character. Awesome. Good for you. You should celebrate it with like-minded people. You think nobody likes Penelope the way you do? Find the ones who do. I can assure you, they exist. I saw them daily on my dash. Read fics that bring you joy. Don't read the ones that don't. I have seen way too many Penelope/Anthony, Penelope/Benedict or even Penelope/Gregory fics, or fics where Penelope just straight up abused Colin that are celebrated in the comments. I don't like those and you know what I do? Scroll past those fics or click out of those and not read them. You know what I don't do? Go after the writers, try to police their writing, and accuse them of bigotry for not catering to my preferences.

Accept the fact that it's not going to be a 100% percent approval rating. And that's fine. That's part of life. I'm a primary Benophie fan, I've seen people wanting Benedict to end up with different people. It's their prerogative, I leave them alone. I have mutuals who have different takes on actions of Kate, Edwina, and Anthony, with varying degrees of feelings regarding how season 2 ends, and I have my own opinions. Personally, I find all three parties were wrong in that triangle, especially Anthony, and the sisterhood between Kate and Edwina in that season ought to have been handled with more respect and care. And my mutuals and I have civil, nuanced discussions about such things and ending those with still different opinions. That's okay. They're fictional characters and their actions are up to character analysis. It's fine.

What ISN'T fine is obssessively stalking inboxes of strangers, REAL people, unleashing insane level of hate and prejudices in defence of a FICTIONAL character, and accusing them of crimes they OBJECTIVELY did not commit, all because they don't share your opinions. I know you don't think this kind of behaviour is okay, you said so yourself that it's not a good thing. You've experienced fatphobia, you have my sympathies for that, but it doesn't give you the right to be shitty to other people. Your own bad experiences do not entitle you to disrespect, dismiss, invalidate and insult the people you harassed, including me, many of which are WoCs who have valid concerns regarding how their own experiences are represented and treated on the show. My struggles of being a bisexual, Asian, immigrant woman does not excuse me from being toxic to people who have done me no harm. I will not be vindicated in demeaning someone who have criticisms against the actions of fictional character who share my traits, criticisms that I just happen to disagree with.

And frankly, I find reducing the nuances of a character or person to only their bodies, to contribute (as either condemn or excuse) their actions to be only the result of their bodies, fucking insulting. It's infantalising and dehumanising.

Have a nice day and happy shipping. Leave us alone.

[midnightsun-if]

Seeing the last ask and Scarlett's reaction, I'm curious how a therapist who is more or less the only Sane One would deal with each ro, and vise versa. Like that edge of complete sanity and rationality against the moods and opinions of each ro.

Like clearing their throat, and very calmly explaining to Scarlett that feeling "a bubble of happiness" at her beloved presenting a heart of an assassin of her to her that she killed in "cruel and unusual" ways is not a healthy reaction, no.

Therapy would be a good solution for a couple of them, you're right. Though, it's very likely that, by the end of the various sessions, the therapist would need to get their own in return.

Koda: He'd be dream patient, let's be real. Would answer all of the therapist's questions as honestly as possible, wouldn't put up a fuss about revealing things, he'd just be overall earnest about trying to cooperate with the person that's trying to help him get better. Even if he doesn't exactly understand why he's seeing a therapist to begin with: "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I was wondering if you know why I'm here? I've been trying to figure it out." That'd probably put the therapist into a bit of a tailspin, but Koda's genuine curiosity would help exceptionally.

Scarlett: Would either be completely dismissive of the therapist: "I'm curious as to why you think I'd value your insight. Me being here isn't based upon anything you may have, or may have not, accomplished. Frankly, I don't care who you are, nor do I think I'll remember you the moment this session is over. You may prattle on with your inane opinions, of course, but do not expect me to give them any credence." Or she'd be her classic cunning self and be ready to send barbs the therapists way: "It's quite baffling that you believe I'd feel anything but exuberance towards the death of the very person that wished to have me killed. Do you not wish for the same thing when you're watching thrillers or horror movies? Or do you find the humanity within those that wish to kill what has not harmed them? If anything, that says more about you than it does I.'

Cyrus/Cyra: They'd be completely flustered about being there in the first place, but they'd also try to be as accommodating as they possibly could -- good manners aren't something they shirk, even if they're not exactly happy with their current situation. The room probably heating up a bit due to said agitation: "I'm aware that things have been less than stellar for me as of late, but I don't believe it's warranted anything like this. I do apologize if you think I'm calling into question your capabilities, I just don't believe they're needed here."

Quinn: This scenario would definitely be a time where they'd be totally tense, simply watching the therapist watch them in return, causing their wolf to prickle in response to a potential opponent. They're not the happiest camper in the world, but they'd try to remain calm and collected, even if their hand keeps clenching and their teeth are slightly sharper than usual: "What would you like to know? I'm pretty much an open book." However, the moment the therapist tried to move onto the familial territory, Quinn would snarl back in response: "I suggest moving on from this topic immediately. It's a direction that I don't think you'd enjoy reaching the end of."

Caden: The poor therapist wouldn't even know where to begin with Caden.... Caden doesn't know what to do with Caden at times. Compounded by the fact that Caden would, more than likely, be invisible. So, if anyone walked in, they'd think the therapist is crazy because they're seemingly holding a session with no one in the room. If, and I do mean if, Caden would be able to get ahold of themself, and relax enough to become visible again, I could see them sharing bits and pieces from their past, but it'd be completely obvious that they're leaving things out, refusing to elaborate further: "I have a long history, I've seen a lot things, and have done quite a bit too. I-I don't understand why you want to know all of this. I'm nothing special."

Sloane: Wouldn't say a damn thing. They'd simply slouch back, probably flicking their lighter open and close, and glare stare at the therapist without letting a single thing show; the ticking of the clock being the only sound in the room. Probably would even stay a little bit longer after the session ended to truly send the point home that the therapist would not want them to return. But, as they'd stand up to leave, they'd finally say something: "It's been fun, doc. We should try this again sometime."

Blake: Is definitely the kind of person to give absolutely absurd/horrifying answers to Rorschach Test and wouldn't have any qualms about doing so; would find it quite funny, in fact: "Will you stop showing me pictures of that? It's quite sickening." (Would not elaborate on what's so sickening about said image.) Or they'd just make up random stories/answers to appease the therapist and hopefully move on with their life: "You see, doc, I grew up on a little farm just outside of a little down. Ma and Pa did the best they could, but there were too many mouths to feed, I was the oldest of eight after all, so I don't blame them for putting me to work as soon as I reached knee height."

Reginald/Regina: Would flop down onto the couch and go on a complete tangent about various things, probably spiraling into subjects that have nothing to do with why they're there in the first place: "I'm not saying I support kidnapping, of course I don't, I'm just aware that if someone decided to do that to Grogu, I'd understand." Might have their therapist checking their watch actually -- while being completely oblivious -- as they try to reign the human gremlin back in as they'd probably start going on a tangent about Star Trek next.

[yourlocalmeta1head]

My Aot Ships !SPOILERS!

EreMika (Eren x Mikasa) omg do I even need to elaborate? First of all THE FACT THAT MIKASA LOOKS PRETTIER WHEN ITS IN ERENS POV? And not to mention the fact that in episode 12 Ian even says to Mikasa 'defend your boyfriend' in sub and in dub he said 'go save the man you love' also when Eren asked Mikasa what he is to her it was obious he wasnt wanting the answer "your my family" AND THE FACT THAT THEY KISSED IN THE FINAL EPISODE

NicoSasha (Niccolo x Sasha) LITTERALLY CANNON BUT ISAYAMA HATES LOVE APARENTLY. Niccolo looked mesmerised and looked so inlove while blushing when he saw Sasha CRYING over how good his food was. Omg and the way he reacted when his conrad called Sasha a 'filth blooded potato grubbing devil' MY MAN WAS GOING TO KILL SOMEONE and when he said "What is this brat someone specil to you? Is that why he tried to protect you earlier? You care about him huh? Well I used to care about someone too! A DIRT BLOODED ELDIAN! A DECENDENT OF DEVILS! THE WOMAN WHO ENJOYED THE FOOD I COOKED MORE THAN ANYONE ID EVER MET BEFORE! She saved me from this shitty ass pointless war... she showed me that the person I ment to be as a man who brings people happiness through his cooking... that was Sasha Braus... she was amzing. AND YOU STOLE HER FROM ME!" OMG LIKE HOW CAN YOU HEAR HIM SAY THAT AND NOT THINK ITS CANNON?!

AurEtra (Ouro x Petra) OMG ISAYAMA LITTERALLY SAID THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED! Also I noticed that they argue very much like a couple. sorry i dont have much to say about this ship. I just really like it.

MikeNana (Miche x Nannaba) Ok listen. This isn't a mega huge ship I have I just think its really cute. Also everytime Miche and Nannaba interact omg its adorable. Thats about it.

KenUri (Kenny x Uri) THE WAY THEY INTERACTED WITH EACHOTHER OMGGG now I dont this its super inlove. I just think they were atleast a little inlove with eachoter. THEY ARE SOULMATES AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE! Also in the OFFICIAL AOT GUIDE BOOK THIS IS A CONVERSATION ISAYAMA HAD WITH AN INTERVEIWER Interviewer: "So he (Kenny) thought id he eliminated Uri, the world would become right again. But he lost the fight." Isayama: "Kenny's way of judging value is: 'The strong are in the right', and so for that reason he was attracted to Uri." LIKE OMG HE LITTERALLY SAID KENNY WAS ATTRACTED TO URI! (and no one say "oh well he wouldn't make Kenny be intrested in men" when Yumir and Historia are LITTERALLY CONFERMINED LESBIANS.

YumiHisu (Yumir x Historia) This is gonna be short because it's obious this ship is cannon. Yumir always telling Historia "You are so gonna have to marry me after all this shit is over!" When Historia was with Yumir after the tower fell. The way they looked at eachother. The fact that Historia was more worried about Yumir than anything when Reiner and Bertolt reveled their titans and took Eren and Yumir. WHEN YUMIR SAID TO REINER AND BERTOLT "You guys have no idea what it's like. She knows what a shitty person I am, but she still smiles at me. I can't..." THE FACT THAT HISTORIA TOLD YUMIR "I will always be your ally" EVEN AFTER YUMIR BASICALLY ATE HER. HISTORIA PROTECTING YUMIR WHEN MIKASA ALMOST KILLED HER TO SAVE EREN! WHEN HISTORIA SAID "But with Yumir gone I've lost my purpose. I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore." OMG NOT TO MENTION THE LETTER?! 'To my dear Historia, as I write this Reiner's standing at my side. He knows this is a love letter, but he's still sneaking peaks. Honestly, it's no wonder the creep's still single. That said.. he did give me his word that he'd deliver this letter to you. He says he owes me for the time I doubled back to save him. I'm sorry about then... I never would've imagined myself choosing those two.. over you... I'm going to die soon. But... I'll die without regrets. Or that's what I'd like to say. Truth is... I do have one. It's that I never got to marry you. With Love, Yumir' I MEAN HOW CAN YOU READ THAT AND NOT SHIP THEM?!

MobuHan (Moblit x Hange) OMG MOBLITS PRTECTIVENESS AND THE WAY HES SO PACIENT WITH THEM! He's always trying to protect them. AND HOW THEY INTERACT WITH EACHOTHER! M: "I don't think thats the way you want to talk to the leader of our whole regiment" H: "SHUT UP >:( AS I WAS SAYING" ALSO THIS MOMENT. M: "PLEASE DONT GO ALONE! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!" AND MOBLITS LITTLE "STOPPPP!" WHEN HANGE RODE AWAY! H: "dont try to call me bluff" M: "Please dont!"

[alarrytale]

Hi Marte! This is apropos of nothing but I’ve been depressed for awhile and I’ve been pulling myself out of it for a few months and I finally have started to feel like myself again (yay!). One thing I really struggled with was finding the mental energy to cook, among other things, which is something I’ve always enjoyed. I’m trying to make a list of recipes to try to make cooking fun again and I thought maybe I’d make some things that Harry has mentioned enjoying just as a fun little motivation. Do you know any foods he has talked about enjoying? I haven’t come up with too many but I think it would be really fun to recreate some of them. Also if you have any recipes you personally like I would love to hear about them! Trying to rally myself here and I am taking suggestions from anyone who has them!!! 💗🩵

Hi, anon!

First of all, i'm so happy to hear you've managed to pull yourself out of your depression. That's so great to hear, i'm so proud of you! 💛

I'm racking my brain to try to think of things that H has mentioned in interviews over the years. It's mostly food items he loves or hates, no so much dishes he's talked about. We know he of course loves Louis' chicken wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash (doing the hand movements while i type lol). He's also said he loves a Sunday roast, Taco/Fajitas and is partial to soup. We know he loves bananas, peas, brussel sprouts, mango, sweetcorn, mandarine segments, coconut shavings (or is that Louis 😉), and we also know both H and L love sea food! I think there's a lot of sea food being served in the Tomlinson-Styles household.

See, the thing is, i'm a good cook, i'm a creative cook, but i hate cooking. I prefer the food i make myself to anyone elses cooking lol. So that's a massive issue. I cook a lot with my brother when we're doing elaborate dinners, since he likes to cook. I've perfected a lasagna recipe, a couple of soup recipes, a couple of pasta dishes and some wok recipes, that i make when i have company over. I'm really good at taking what i have on hand and making something out of it. When i create something ingenious, i always write the recipe down in a google doc.

I've found that it's almost impossible to share recipes, because people like different things. Some like things salty, spicy, savory, sweet, bitter, well cooked, hardly cooked, their gravy thick or more runny etc. Some have allergies and intolerances. So you need to explore what you like and make it to your taste.

Anyway, one recipe that never fails me is vegetable soup. It's healthy, hearty and warms in winter. It's also cheap! I make it when i have low energy, when i am in need of vitamins or when i have a cold. You can put any vegetable you like in it (depending on what you have on hand), any spices you want in it, you can make it vegan/gluten free, if you want to, it's easy to not make too little or too much of it and you decide how much of each thing you put in it, depending on your preferences. You can bascially change up every ingredient without messing up.

Here is my recipe (based on one of my uni room-mates recipes, a dish that we used to make together as poor uni students):

This serves about four people i'd say.

Ingredients:

1-1,5 litres of water

3-4 chicken stock cubes

1 yellow onion

2 potatoes, regular sized

1-2 carrots

A couple of slices of swede/rutabaga

1/2 of a red bell pepper

2 tomatoes

1/2 of a leek

Fussili pasta

Garlic powder

Cayenne pepper

Herbes de Provance

How to make it:

Find a pot that fits about 5 litres. Put the water and the stock cubes in and boil it. Peel potatoes, carrots, swede/rutabega, and onion. Dice it up into decent siced pieces (or to your preference). The potatoes doesn’t need to be cut that small. Put all your vegetables in the pot to boil for about 5-7 minutes.

Meanwhile, you chop the leek and bell pepper, after the 5-7 minutes are up you put that in, and also add pasta (a handful or two, or to your preference). Then add the spices. Be careful when adding the cayenne pepper, the soup isn't supposed to taste hot/spicy (we all have different tolerance level for spice).

Let it all boil for 10-12 minutes more or until the pasta is ready and the vegetables are soft. Meanwhile chop the tomatoes, add the tomatoes when the soup is finished, they're not supposed to boil, just warm up.

Bon Appétit!

[m1ssunderstanding]

Hello! This is your Secret Santa. Not sure what I'm going to do yet but I was wondering a few things!

You said you like when the smut is kinky and dark, could you elaborate a bit? Do you have some favorite kinks? Favorite dark-ish tropes?

When you say Dickens AU, do you have a particular novel in mind? Or is it about Victorian life hardships in general?

Thanks! 🎅

lolol this is what I get for being embarrassing on the form! Now I have to be embarrassing on main. (I mean about kink and Dickens equally btw) Welp, here goes! I'll just put it all under a cut so no one has to read it that doesn't want to. Genuinely though even though it's embarrassing I'm so glad you're asking! Thank you for taking the time to get to know what I am hoping for :) <3

As far as kink goes, I love the typical bdsm stuff.

Objectification

Dumbification

Expositionism

General demeaning language

Praise kink

Restraints, gags, whips, flogs

Orgasm denial

Overstimulation

Choking

Marking

I will say while I love all of that stuff, I also love just normal sex too lol especially if the story isn't focused on the sex you know it can be very vanilla and sweet and I will love it. But if the whole story is focused around sex, especially if you're putting Paul with someone other than John or Linda, I'd rather it be kinky. So like dealing with class stuff between Paul and Jane or Paul and Robert Fraser or with age stuff between Paul and George Martin or John and Brian or size stuff between anyone and Mal. And it might be surprising, but I don't care who dominates. If you're writing a sweet story where Paul ends up happy with John or Linda, the choice is yours as to whether the sex is kinky or not.

As far as Dickens goes, you could stick them in any book really. And obviously just write a scene from it. Or you could reimagine an event from their lives if Dickens had written it.

Specific book au ideas:

Oliver Twist with John and Paul as older versions of Oliver and Dodger respectively or you could do Paul as Nancy and John as Rose

David Copperfield with Paul as David. John could be Steerforth or Agnes.

Little Dorrit with John as Arthur and Paul as Amy.

Great Expectations with John as Pip and Paul as Estella.

Bleak House with John as Ada and Paul as Richard.

The Old Curiosity Shop with John as Kit and Paul as Nell.

Hard Times with Paul as Sissy and John as Louisa.

I would love it if you genderbent one of the characters if Dickens accidentally wrote jp into a straight pairing.

Event adaptation ideas:

Alan Klein is the PERFECT Dickens Villain. John and Paul have pooled all their savings together to start a business. John was the primary investor as Paul had very little money, but Paul still has the most at stake because consequences are higher for him losing all his money. John finds Klein as the perfect person to manage all their affairs and Paul feels like he has to go along with it because he feels indebted to John forever because of how much he invested in up front into their business. Chaos ensues. People go bankrupt. Law suits drag on. Linda and her little daughter Heather who are destitute still manage to help Paul out of it all and in the end after they're married we find out Linda is inheriting a bunch of money.

John and Paul met at an abusive boarding school. Paul is there because his father's grocer shop supplies the school with food. John is there because his family can afford it. John hates it, bullies the teachers, tries to slack off and cause as much trouble as possible. Paul secretly hates it too but is really grateful for this opportunity and kisses up. They both become quite popular in their own ways and wage war on each other until they are forced to come together during mutual punishment -- Paul is treated far worse because of his class but John has forward thinking principles and insists they go it together and they realize they have a lot in common and they run away to the circus together.

John is a notorious robber who makes friends with Paul's dad at a gambling club. Paul is the whore with the heart of gold who supports his father's habit (I know I kind of already wrote this one but not in a dickensian au) Paul falls in love with John in spite of himself and even though he always dreamed of joining polite society, he joins John's crime sindicate and their combined smarts allow them to amass huge amounts of money but they have to live this whole double life to avoid being caught and at the end there's a huge house fire in which everything they built together is lost and they blame each other and fall apart.

You know. Etc. Things like that. But obviously you could think of your own thing or not do Dickens at all.